Monday, 23 May 2011

A Qualified Success?

So we've reached that point again where we are drenched in disappointment, facing weeks and weeks of footballessness. Waiting like little children on Christmas eve for the tiniest evidence of the man in red'n'white to deliver us a nice surprise. It's all we have during the summer. Father Arsene, fill our stockings with new goodies (some of which we've heard of) and a new summer metaphore that doesn't revolve around Christmas would be nice too! I've started badly. Mental strength ..... Turn it round son.

So our season ended with our only pleasures being the pains of others. Yesterday was hugely enjoyable & exciting. Mainly due to my decision to not chase the stream and just sit in front of the telly flicking between the teams in trouble. Most of us were sad to see Blackpool go (as they gave us 6 points) while all of us were delighted to see Birmingham disappear. Eduardo, Carling Cup, awful chants about an ankle, we were united in our joy. That bloody team seem to mess us up every year. Well next year they can derail Doncaster's season for a change.

But there you have it. A shred of pleasure born out of a grudge isn't really enough is it? We know things must change this summer. However, this is not a new feeling. Indeed, the chap from Eastlower just tweeted his final blog from this time last year and it's all still relevant, too relevant. Do we learn? The evidence suggests otherwise. Finding new thing to say about this team is harder than keeping a superinjunction quiet. Same old same old and I'm not going over it here for fear of sounding as boring as Jamie Redknapp. He loves to state the bleeding obvious so just as him.

The Fulham game passed me by somewhat. I followed it on twitter as I watched the shit try to stay afloat. I'm glad we didn't lose. In fact I like to think of us on an unbeaten run of 1 now. It's something to build on. A meaningless draw seemed apt though. We defended badly, scored a couple of good goals and exited stage left to cheers of 'spend some f**king money.' Apparently some of the squad misunderstood and immediately bought two cars and a shag pad in Hampstead each.

So how will we look back in this season? It's never really got past the 'OK' stage has it? Home games have been a bit of a trial. Chavs, Barca & Man U were the only real high points. The rest have been very hit and (quite alot) miss. We've been introduced to the phrase 'Mental Strength' and it won the coveted 'most inappropriate use of a phrase' award for 12 weeks running. Who says we can't win anything?

We've had it confirmed that whoever is running the club doesn't know his Arsenal from his elbow. 6.5% rise in season tickets announced during a run of form that made West Ham blush was extraordinary. Telling us we can watch a film about a wonderful championship winning night (I forget it's name) on the pitch seemed to rub salt in. And yesterday, as the team waited to be put out of it's misery our captain was given the day off to go and watch driving in Spain. One game left and the club captain wasn't there. I'm not blaming Cesc at all. I'm sick of watching that rubbish too but whoever thought it was a clever thing to do wants to be introduced to the underside of Paul Scholes boots. It might not matter but it's the kind of thing that rubs fans up the wrong way. Tony Adams never missed a game unless he was in prison! Poor decision by the club.

We have learned that we never learn. Same mistakes every game suggest the coaching is off or the players are stupid. It's a worry. Conceding from a set piece became as inevitable as a Flavor Flav track on a Public Enemy album. You know it's going to happen, you just want to get it over with & it's never a pleasure. 4-5-1 is a joke. (If you know nothing of Public Enemy that will do nuttin' for ya man. If you do this is the best bit!)

I've learned that The Arsenal have driven me to mild madness. This very blog made me write like a 6 year old (my most viewed work - I think I've found my style) and calling for an 80s singer to be in charge of transfers. Who amongst us doesn't want a so macho central defender?

So things must change. We have qualified for the right to qualify for the ££££ league and that is a massive challenge. We may well get Chigley from Trumptonshire but imagine the kerfuffle if what needs to be done isn't done and we mess that game up. Season over before it starts. Talk about hitting the ground running! Yes that means you too Arshavin.

Anyway, it's the summer break now and all we can do is hope for Arsene to do what needs doing. Decent signings will restore our hope and relationship with the club. They lost our faith and it was depressing to see the in fighting and hearing the boos. It was not a good season but remember our disappointment at finishing 4th was the spuds joy last time. I do think we've gone backwards a bit. We certainly aren't a better team & the 'young team' nonsense Arsene spouts won't wash any longer. And that post Milk Cup collapse was something else. If we change only one thing it's got to be 'stop bloody sulking when you lose.' Get over it and win your next game. Bolton did it after a horrific FA Cup semi final result against, you guessed it, us. There is no shame in losing. It's how you respond that sets you apart.

It's a massive summer for the club and an even bigger season ahead. We may not win a pot next year but the club needs to be seen to match their perceived ambition. They need to win the fans back. The start is crucial. None of your losing at home to WBA if you don't mind.

So enjoy the weeks off. No more stress or worry brought about by young millionaires who don't know you from (Tony) Adam(s). August will be here before we know it and the emotions will return. It's the purest of theatre and that's why we love it.

Thanks to everyone who reads my unconscious stream of nonsense. Some of you even seem to enjoy it & make sense of it. There are a million & one blogs out there and I really appreciate you spending/wasting your time on mine.

Up The Gunners.

- Posted using BlogPress from an iTelephone.

Sunday, 15 May 2011

Thank Bergkamp that's all over.

Right, got a new app on the mobile so might try to blog as we go. This might be rubbish but thought I'd try something new. Please excuse any spelling mistakes.

We arrived at the ground nice and early today. I fancied a 'Champions League Qualifier 2011-12' T-Shirt but couldn't find one anywhere. Must've sold out. There is a funny atmosphere in the ground. A large cheer went up when Newcastle scored like it meant something. For a brief moment it did as their lovely owner sat with his head in his hands. Oh for a home draw against Newcastle!

I've got end of season fever. Having said I'd stop buying programmes to counteract the price rises I immediately bought a programme, a Gooner and a copy of 'up the Arse.' The sellers always look quite disappointed when you don't actually say,
"one up the arse please mate!"
I resisted. I'm a slow reader. That should keep me busy until August.

As I write this I'm watching Pires warming up in another's colours. He's still rather, as Arseblog would put it, dreamy. I wish he was warming our bench.

The teams are out. I'll add some more at half time (or sooner if it's crap!)

20 minutes and all I can say is,
I used to go to a record shop called Our Price and they always had a fantasic amount of records and CDs in their bargain bin. It was exciting. More records for your money. However, when you got there it was all Black Lace & Jive Bunny. There was never any Duran Duran or Adam & The Ants. If you shop in the bargain bin you get Jive Squillaci not Adams and the Ants.

My son is now facing away from the pitch. He says it's a better view. Club have just told me it's £10 extra to not watch.

It's going to take a lot of mental strength to watch this crap today.

To be continued.....

......home now. The second half was marginally better than the first but I didn't have the heart to blog. I think I may have almost run out of stuff to say. It's depressing when you see players in Arsenal shirts who are clearly not good enough. I even feel sorry for them. Squillaci, for example, is just no good. It's not his fault and for a lesser club he may well do a job but to see him sauntering about like he is in the park walking his dogs makes me angry. Is it a sign of the quality we can afford? If we are shopping at Squillacis'r'us then we are buggered. The only nice bit of today was the return of TV or the proper defender as he is known.

The club are making a big deal about the 125 anniversary and why not if it sells shirts and keyrings. However, in tribute to the founding fathers in that south London public house we have started playing like a 125 year old pub side. Stop it & stop it now.

The lap of appreciation was an uncomfortable few minutes. The players walked quite a long way from the fans and most clapped us. It was a mixture of boos and clapping. In fact more clapping than I'd expected. The stadium was only about a third full by then so I think most of the booers had gone to the pub. Rumours that Arshavin didn't make it right round the pitch are false!

By the end I was losing my mind. I tweeted that today could only get worse if Eboue ran on dressed as Sinitta and sang So Macho. It would've been more entertaining than the nonsense served up by our heroes but depressing as I'm not sure Eboue has the legs to pull off her skimpy outfits. However, if you look at the lyrics it spookily lists the characteristics we are lacking.

I don't want no seven stone weakling
Or a boy who thinks he's a girl
I'm after a hunk of a guy
An experienced man of the world
There ain't no way that I'll make do
With anything less than I'm used to
If I have a man tonight
He's gotta be right, right, right

Somebody put Sinitta in charge of transfers. She wouldn't sign Squillaci!

- Posted using BlogPress from an itelephonic device

Monday, 9 May 2011

What did you do at the weekend?

Our Weekend News May 9th 2011

At last the holidays have started. We've had to do two hours work everyday for ages now and they only give us thousands of pounds a week to do it. The boys have been told by the club that we have got into that thing where we play clubs with funny names and we can have a few weeks off.

The boss took us to Stoke yesterday. We wanted a trip to the seaside but at least there was a nice river. We went to Britannia for lunch. The boys were laughing saying they thought John Terry had probably had Britannia. Oh we are naughty.

Anyway we were all set for a nice relaxing afternoon in the sun when these bigger boys came and asked if we wanted to play football. Robin was up for it but nobody else really wanted to. Eventually Robin, Jack & Aaron persuaded us. The bigger boys explained they need some practise as they were going to try and win a trophy next week. We didn't understand until Cesc explained what a trophy was. Cesc had even held one once. That's why he is always in charge. He's so cool.

Andrey was in a right mood. He hardly ever wants to play. He got cross and pushed a much bigger boy over. That was brave as Andrey is only little. They kicked the ball towards our goal. It was very funny because we all stood still and the ball hit one if their boys quite hard on the leg. It looked like it hurt but he was happy because he scored a goal. We put out tallest boy in goal and he didn't catch it because his gloves are new and he didn't want to ruin them on the first day he got them.

We couldn't stop laughing at the bigger boys. We kept standing still so they could score and they were so happy when they did. Couldn't they tell we were taking the mick out of them? Robin scored a goal for us but then he is so competitive sometimes. Most of us can't understand it.

Some of the bigger boys said we could be quite good if we tried a bit harder. One said we were quite close to success. We all laughed as it's 207 miles to Manchester and that's not very close at all.

It was a fun game. We wanted to take them on at rounders but they all had to go home as their mums were waiting for them outside which was a shame. Some of the lads heard that lots of people had paid a lot of money to watch us play the bigger boys which seemed odd. Why would anyone pay money to watch that?

Anyway we are back at our hotel now. Very posh, none of your Premier Inn for us. We will put some pictures on Twitter so you can see how much fun we are having.

Wish you were here..... Oh some of you were! Sorry about that.

The Arsenal Squad xx

Sunday, 1 May 2011

And Now You're Gonna Believe Us!

Arsenal! How I love you so but why oh why do you do this to me? Victories against the Manc vermin are few and far between and you give us a bittersweet one. There was no singing and dancing in the street. All wins are nice especially against that lot but two months of utter crap diluted the feelings we should've all had at the final whistle.

As we went through the turnstile I said to the steward handling my sandwich that I thought we would probably win today as that would be typical inconsistent Arsenal. Apparently it was a popular view. Had we twigged the great Arsenal paradox we could've made a killing at the bookies. Man U riding high at the top with one foot in the £££££££ league final while Arsenal watch corners like children watch fireworks (in amazement with our mouths open!)The law of Sod predicted an Arsenal victory today.

People in the ground seemed a bit flat, disappointed that we were an extra rather than a player in the title race today. Nobody bounced out of bed today thinking 'big game, massive game, make or break game.' The oddest thing is that the team didn't show that at all. So many times this season we have looked lethargic and uncaring but not today. Cesc was left out which flattened our mood further. I've pulled my hamstring and made it to the upper tier (mental strength) yet Cesc couldn't play with a slight knock (poor show!)

The fact Cesc wasn't there confuses the issue more. He is our captain, our leader, our world class world cup winner yet the team didn't miss him one bit. From the off we were at Utd. We didn't let the settle, hustled them, won the ball back. Hell, we even defended from the front. That was a team playing with spirit and passion. There was even a little bit of fist pumping!

It was up there with the two other truly great performances this season against the chavs and Barcelona at home. These three games are what Arsene is banging on about. Talk about mental strength all you like after these games. Do not mention it when you've folded up for the umpteenth time. It annoys us!

I tweeted after the game that I felt a bit depressed by that as it just goes to prove that Arsene was right all along and we are good enough to win the league and we have chucked it away again. People told me to just enjoy the win and I am. It was marvellous but you know what I mean. If we showed even half the desire in even half those awful games we drew they would be wins and we would be Champions. Simple!

I was shocked by how crap man u are. Are they really better than us? How are they on for the title and £££££££ league? They will be the shittest champions ever and we will have less points than them. Depressing!

Now do we celebrate St Totteringham's day yet? They are 12 points behind with 4 games left to play but will have to make up the 27 goals we have on them to go above us. They are crap and have no chance so I think we can keep the bunting up for that little knees-up. And I believe at the start of the season the Spuds were convinced this was their year (it does end in 1) to finally finish above us. Ha ha ha ha and if you will ha!

So where do we go from here? I hope Arsene doesn't hide behind this result and say 'I told you so.' Playing and beating Man u in a meaningless (for us) game is one thing but it's (as they used to say) the wet Wednesday's in Wigan that win you the league and we need some experienced boys in to help on days like that. Maybe we just play better when the pressure's off. The last two months seem to confirm it. However, you're only supposed to be as good as your last game and we just played man u off the pitch and Ramsey scored the winner. Sod your trophies! That'll do nicely for now.

Up The Gunners