Friday, 31 December 2010

Happy New Year Gooners

Just a quick post to wish each and every Gooner worldwide (except Piers Morgan) a happy and prosperous 2011. Raise a glass to by far the greatest team the world has ever seen and toast the forthcoming unbeaten year full of goals and clean sheets.

Our new central defender, seen below in an exclusive picture, will make a difference.

I was going to do a review of the year but can't remember it it such detail as to do it justice. So briefly, my highlight was probably beating the filthy chavs last week. My lowlight happened at Wigan when we caved in to lose 3-2. The game that sums The Arsenal's year up is spuds at home where we were brilliant and utter shit all in the space of 90 minutes. That was our 2010. Brilliance with a smattering of shite.

Anyway next year will be different. The team will come of age and we will win cups. The new signings will gel immediately and we will once again reign supreme. The chavs (north and south) and mancs will be beaten on a regular basis while the spuds will never get the chance to release another DVD. Crap like Newcastle, West Brom, Wigan and Stoke RFC will be routinely thrashed.

My off the field highlights are the explosion of Arsenal blogs and the fun of Twitter. It's like watching games with hundreds of like minded people who all hate the opposition with the odd classic tweet from the players themselves. Shezesczzzzney (I'll learn the spelling when he is first choice) making a lovely comment about Ca$hley was class. I also enjoyed Lansbury asking why people hated Ca$hley and getting a million replies of, 'because he's a c*^t! Brilliant.

Happy New Year Gooners. Have a good one, don't drink too much and get to bed. 2011 starts tomorrow and there's a game on. Come on you RIP ROARING REDS!

Thursday, 30 December 2010

Victoria Constant Inconsistent

How many times have we been here? The high of a good win shattered by a poor performance. Why are we depressed? Why are we even surprised. Majestic one game, crap the next. Against Spuds at home we were both in the same game.

Much was made on Twitter about the 8 changes before the game. Didn't Wolves get in trouble for 8 changes? There was very little support for it. The boys from Monday, much like us fans, we riding a wave of optimism and that probably should've been used against Wigan. Maybe one or two changes but 8? I can understand Arsene's thinking. He is very protective of his players, too much sometimes, but he would argue that everyone in the squad should be able to play and deliver. However we broke a massive barrier on Monday by finally beating a major rival and to break that up so dramatically proved to be an error in judgement. Arsene would argue that the team he picked should have enough to beat a team in the bottom 3 and I agree but the confidence of beating the chavs has been wasted. That confidence can't be bought and we haven't had a lot of it lately and it's criminal to have lost it so easily.

I hate these midweek games ignored by TV and radio. You spend your evening looking for streams from God knows where, shouting as a shot goes in as your picture freezes. Many thanks to the Gooners on Twitter sending me a flood of streams. Got a good one in the end but not sure the performance warranted the effort. These are the games that will win you the league. A point isn't good enough.

Something Arsene can't be criticised for is the shit referee. Their penalty was a clear dive by N'a N'cheating, N'diving N'bastard. The more you see it the less contact there is. N'twat was rightly sent off later for headbutting Jack, who went down like a pro. Good lad! There was the clearest of clear handballs at the end, which would've led to the worry of a penalty, that the ref ignored. If only he had been the ref against the spuds when the Capt did the very same thing. Inconsistency is the only constant it seems. But let's not blame the ref. We should have enough.

We scored two good goals despite playing like muppets and I expected us to take control. It never really happened. 2-1 up and now they are a man down. Come on The Arsenal, put this game to bed. Oh no, they have a corner, it's a deep one, the defence run around like school kids, goalie goes walk about - 2-2! Crap.

Under normal circumstances we would be out of it by now. It's the general crapness of all the teams that has kept this season alive. If any team had gone on a decent run they would be so far clear it would be over. And that's where the frustration stems from. Why can't that team be us? Well it's because we have cut price defenders and a goalkeeper who isn't good enough. We have our best defenders injured and half injured. We can't defend set pieces. We don't build on confidence building wins.

The central defenders aren't good enough. Kos was bought as a squad player and injuries have thrust him into many more games than planned. He's done quite well but he's not ready. Squilly too makes basic errors consistently. Are we really going to win the league with these two? Be honest! Fabianski. Does he give the aura of a Premiership winning keeper? Be honest! He is improving but still a mistake waiting to happen. Arsene himself says no one take control of set pieces. No surprise really is it?

We won't win the league this season. There, I said it. This team has proved time and again that a run of form is beyond them. Would a draw at Birmingham be any more surprising than a win (or a loss!) We're an unpredictable roller coaster. Victoria Constant Inconsistent.

Monday, 27 December 2010

I Hate The Chavs

Deep down in our heart of hearts we didn't expect that did we? We all knew the team could produce a performance like that but so often this season it's been rubbish. Not tonight! That was everything I hoped for. They showed passion, commitment and a real desire to beat the evil chavs. We not only won but we deserved to win.

Bringing in Djourou was a popular (and right) decision. He is clearly our best fit defender and was superb. Dropping Arshavin was also popular (and right.) I must admit I didn't expect to win. The performances this season have left me thinking that we can lose to anyone (and we have!) but tonight I saw The Arsenal come alive. We were better than the team that bought the title and left feeling proud. We can do it. We can. It makes all those silly defeats seem all the worse. Imagine where we would be now had we beaten the teams we are easily capable of beating.

I think I enjoy nothing more than beating those bastards. Due to my family being split between London clubs I was brought up to hate that lot. I've hated them since Kerry Dixon! The fact they are a small club whose only chance of success was to be taken over and pumped full of money makes it easier to hate them. Most of their players are scum (see picture) and their fans are worse. Their fans have started a punch up on The Arsenal bridge as I write this and there are police everywhere. They started the night singing 'that' song about Wenger. Classless scum.

So David Mellor, Tim Lovejoy, Suggs, Bubble from Big Brother, John Major and every glory hunting kid under 12 years old - your small, historyless club took one hell of a beating and long may it continue until you slip back to mid table where you belong. Find a chav tomorrow and take the piss. Enjoy it, they deserve it.

So onwards to two away games. 9 points this week would be fantastic and well within our grasp. Please don't let this be a one off. Prove to us you have what it takes to take this league by the scruff. Tonight was The Arsenal's Christmas gift to us fans. Make it a Happy New Year.

What a night!

Thursday, 23 December 2010

Happy Christmas Gooners one and all.

I had a fantastic pre Christmas blog planned. I was off, with my son, to the festive members day on Tuesday and this was going to be filled with pictures and sarcastic comments about how they don't seem to be doing any defensive training. We had an e mail too saying we could meet the players in an exclusive signing session. The M&S lunch had been bought and we were ready. Bit of snow and it's unsafe to go! It wasn't long ago that you could walk on an icy pavement and if you fell over you were an idiot. Not anymore. Icy pavements mean claim time so let's just call everything off and stop the idiots leaving home.

I found some old video of the open top bus parade from 1993 and I thought I might post that as a festive treat but would it post? Would it hell so I've resorted to two badly made Christmassy pictures of our boys. Rubbish I know but nobody slipped over in making them and nobody has been sued.

So what do we all want for Christmas? A big new defender would be lovely. Some consistency with a bow on it please. Beating one of our rivals with extra stuffing would do nicely. Gooners to appreciate what we've got rather than moaning about being second, in a semi...etc. Yes I know but moaning is what us football fans do best. We all secretly love it. There is so much more to say when things are going badly. There's not too much to moan about at the moment. OK 'could do better' springs to mind but this team isn't perfect. We all know that. The invincibles they are not but we are doing OK and that's not a bad place to be.

So just the chavs at home and Wigan away to see out the year. 6 points in the bag? Oh how merry would Christmas be and how happy will new year be if we turn over the chavs? Good will to all men and all that but not to them. A team full of bastards who deserve a beating. That's the (festive) spirit!

With that I wish you all a Merry Red and White, Yellow and Blue Christmas. We are The Arsenal and we are the best, we are The Arsenal so f*ck all the rest. Have a cracker Gooners one and all.

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Saturday, 18 December 2010

Swine of a Flu.

Told you it was Barca didn't I? Don't know quite why they go through the rigmarole of a draw. We get Barca while the MancTwats and ChavScum (southern section) get easy trips to nice places. Oh well, it's our own fault for playing like mugs in Portugal. We may beat them or we may lose but either way we will have to do it without Silvestre. Ohhhh Baby. Let us just all pray or ask Father Christmas for the ability to defend by then as they won't just rip us a new one, they will measure up, send us a quote and have it installed professionally unless we wake up at the back. Worried? It's the fever talking.

I've been in bed since last Saturday. No I'm not a student. I've had a lovely bout of flu. The cynical lady in the chemist told me it is swine flu but the Government don't want people to have swine flu as the country is depressed enough. So due to the recession I just have flu. Christ I thought I might die! This was no man flu. There is no cure. Drink lots and eat bacon (hair of the dog?) I watched the MancTwat away game and assumed the team were that lethargic through my eyes as my days were numbered but apparently they were that shit. All I remember from that game is the irony of the miners getting out early and of all the people in the ground who looked like they had been underground for 2 months it was David Beckham who has obviously decided not to wash his hair until we get awarded a world cup final.

I was really pleased for Sczezcezezczny. He looked confident and is tall enough to have Shrek's penalty covered. How we laughed when the grannie lover lover cocked that up but sadly it was still closer to going in to anything we tried. It was a poor show.

So on to today. A desperate search for someone to take son of Feverpitch to the game ended abruptly as a ton of snow fell in Islington in less than an hour. How could Ryan Shawcross be expected to time his perfect tackles in such conditions? Good to see the council doing their best to not run out of grit by not using any at all. The alternate twitter commentary was entertaining but told a story. 'Run Arshavin you lazy....', 'Row Z Clichy Row Z', 'Oh no that looks bad for RVP' were just a few telling tweets.

In other news we have signed ourselves an new player. Japanese wonder kid Ryo Miyaichi joins us in January and he has been described as a cross between Theirry Henry and Christiano Ronaldo. A magnificent cu^t then! Good luck fella (can you play in goal?)

Friday, 10 December 2010

Barcelona, Bell-ends and Belgrade

So it's Barcelona in the next round then. I know it is yet to be confirmed but we all know it will be. It's in the stars. We can feel it in our water. My mock draw using scraps of paper during a particularly dull bit of the day gave us Barcelona so get used to it. Our top of the table, semi final defence will once again be tested by Mr Messi.

Belgrade was a delight! For a game of 4 goals it's quite odd that nothing happened. However, for once, we played badly and won rather than playing well and not winning. I prefer the winning bit without the not. The penalty was a bit soft but you take what your given. Van Persie's strike tested the net. The goalie sensibly got out of the way. The equaliser would have been unbelievable had we not all seen it coming. So now we were worried. The team didn't lift themselves and it was with relief that the lethargic Arshavin was taken off for a boy full of Red Bull. Theo injected life into the side, scored a great goal to set up the Barca showdown (You know it!) Another lovely goal by the boy Nasri and we were home and finally dry. It's just a shame the shoddy nonsense the team served up in Portugal has led to (quite probably) Barcelona. Let's sort out that soft centre between now and then and give them a game.

Bell-End news has been lively this week. First up was cockney Bell-end Mike Ashley who deemed Chris Houghton not good enough and replaced him with a man I'm sure we all had pencilled in to take over from the great Arsene when that unthinkable day arrives. Good luck to Newcastle and their new Messiah.

This was followed up with Prince Bell-end Evra who was none to kind about our great club. Well all it proved was that he is a dick and Man Utd still employ dicks just like the good old days of Sherringham and Keane.

Onto Monday where I'd love to see the dicks get one hell of a spanking.


Saturday, 4 December 2010

Soft Centre Point

Top of the league! If the FA feel like stopping the Premier League today as a protest to FIFA I'll support them. Champions! That would be grand.

How a goal can change things. At half time there were rumblings in the crowd. We'd started brightly (as we usually do), could've been 4-0 up but contrived to be huffing and puffing at 1-1 with a team flirting with the bottom 3. The centre of our defence could not be softer if we had the caramel bunny playing back there.
Time and again Fulham pushed the ball between our middle two and at one point the linesman was our best defender. Today's game was dedicated to CentrePoint. Maybe it should've been dedicated to CentreHalf. It's a real worry. It will cost us. It probably already has.

May I remind you we are top of the league while I'm having a moan. However this isn't a negative moan. It's a frustrated moan about how close we are to greatness. We've lost at home 3 times in games we should've won. This is not complacency on my part. We didn't lose because of a dodgy ref, a deflected goal or a turned down penalty. We lost to Newcastle, WBA and Spurs because on those 3 days we were crap. Coming up is a massive WHAT IF but had we turned up on those 3 days and played the way we know we can we'd be 10 points clear. ARRRRRRRRRGGGGG! Imagine that!! They were games we threw away. I know all other teams will have a list of 'what ifs' but I don't care about them. I care about what we seem determined to throw away. If we miss out on the big one by a few points it will be unbearable.

Today's win is obviously fantastic and thank goodness it's not in that list above. However it's in the list with West Ham and Birmingham. It was hard work of their own making. The turning point was Koscielny knocking himself out during a bit of defending we've become accustomed to. It was shambolic but it led to our best fit defender coming off the bench. How awful do we need to be before Djourou is considered for a start? He looks commanding and attacks everything. The balls through the centre were snuffed out. He needs to be first choice now.

Fabianski polished his reputation again but the fact he kept us in it at one point underlines the softness of our centre. And someone please have a word with Song. He thinks he's Messi and Henry's love child and it needs to stop. The softness starts in the centre of the midfield and he once did a fine job there. If this continues I'd drop him until his highlights grow out. Oh I miss Gilberto.

So rant over! We are in a Semi final, top of the league, touching distance of the next bit of the Champions League and yet I'm cautious. I just hope the end of the season isn't filled with regret where a tinker here and a few quid spent there would have ended in euphoria. Don't blow it Arsenal, don't blow it.

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Mixed Messages

What on earth do we make of this team? After a week of worry, analysis, debate and downright grumpiness The Arsenal put in a display to be proud of at Villa. Is the defence strong enough? Are we better without Cesc? Is it Arsene's baby? Everything alright now. An away win heals the wounds (in November too!)

I kept quiet after the Braga game. I really was lost for words. It was a performance to forget. I've forgotten how poor we were at the back for the two goals. Forget it but learn from it. It was a week to forget. Texts from spuds clogged up my phone. One spud was particularly proud of 'Champions League - We're having a laugh' late on Wednesday night. Let them enjoy their temporary glory. I've worked out a cunning way to deal with them after a defeat. This maybe useless information as it happens only every 17 years but if you get a spud crowing about how good they are just calmly admit that we are crap. You don't have to mean it or believe it but it takes the wind right out of their sails.

Spud, 'Your lot are crap.'
Gooner, 'I know! We are awful. It's all over. Our players just aren't up to it.......etc.'

It stops them in their tracks. It confuses them. It makes their heads hurt. Walk away and uncross your fingers.

Many of us, mostly men, looked on in envy as Robert Pires kissed half our side in the tunnel (not a euphemism) before today's game. The exchange between Bobby and Clichy was technically a french kiss I suppose. Calm down! What a player he was and it was a joy to see him back although it's sad seeing him run flat footed out for Villa. I'm not keen on Villa. It's not hate like Spuds or the chavs I just find them dull and pointless. Irrational I know and I can't explain it but I wouldn't open my eyes if they were playing at the end of my bed. So it was pleasing to stick 4 very good goals past them and go top for a bit.

Just enough time to text that spud 'Top of the league - We're having a laugh.'

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Complacent Rubbish

I've just got back from the ground after the worst defeat by the Spuds in my 31 years of supporting The Arsenal. My wife and son have been subjected to a full analysis and a few choice words (sorry son) on the walk home. This blog might be a rant. This blog is therapy.

This team are, I'm afraid, a complacent arrogant bunch who seem to think that just by turning up they will win. It happened against Newcastle and WBA. It nearly happened against W'ham and B'ham. Today was the worst of all. The first half we were brilliant. We played the dirty Spuds off the park. We scored two good goals and were coasting and that's the problem. They went in at half time thinking this was easy. What the hell happens at half time. They must be told how wonderful they are while their ego's are stroked. Here's an idea boys - THE GAME IS NOT WON UNTIL THE FINAL WHISTLE!

The second half was a disgrace, as bad a performance as I've ever seen. They gave up and that's unforgivable. Spuds will now have and open top bus parade and a DVD out for Christmas and why not? We gave in to them in the most pathetic way. I'm gutted. Without big changes in attitude this team will win nothing. I've mentioned complacency before so why can't they learn? It's depressing and worrying how we lost today. Three defeats at home by crap is not the form of Champions. Utter utter rubbish Arsenal. Today was a new low. I'll support you ever more but today you own me and thousands of others an apology.

Sunday, 14 November 2010

An awful toon to Baca da net with added worms.

It's been quite a week for me and my relationship with this beautiful game. Last Sunday I saw my beloved team not try in the cold and it was unforgivable. They faced a tricky away tie on a wet Wednesday in Wolverhampton and I wasn't confident.

Wednesday afternoon is when the kid's football teams I am somehow in charge of practise and play matches. We are not good. As I stood on a sunny yet bitterly cold park pitch, worrying about what Henry might do to our brittle boned players that evening, my under 8's were taking a battering. I have no subs to turn things around with. Tactics are lost on them. One boys tells me he doesn't want to play anymore as his hands are dirty! He was told to go away from me before a torrent of anger reigned down upon him like shards of glass thrown by Hades himself. He looked at me, puzzled and just said, "What?"

What if Chamakh has a sudden panic about dirty hands? I'm not confident. My Under 8's faced another attack. GOAL! The keeper and his two defenders were standing in a self made circle with their heads bowed. In shame? NO! They were looking at a worm. A WORM! And they had no idea we had conceded! What if Fabianski, Squill........ No they wouldn't be that interested in wildlife would they?

As it happened dirty hand and worms couldn't stop us. A great start and end with some stout defensive play led to a fantastic 2-0 away win. Wolves were quite good and we were OK but we got the 3 points so suck on that Mr McCarthy and your dirty tackles they don't get shown on MOTD. Of course Cesc was hung out to dry but what do you expect?

Next up on my tour of falling back in love with the game was a trip with my son to Cambridge City vs Chesham. Awful. 0-0 with hardly a shot. City have been top of the league, won an award for best side in October, only lost one league game (we were there) and yet we have yet to see them score. A long drive, cold, no goals but that's the fan's lot isn't it. The highlights were half time and the sunset. I didn't want to go to football again after that. A brief depression during which I was checking the fixtures to see when their games don't clash with The Arsenal. Didcot away looks fun!

It was up to The Arsenal to win me fully back. Some of the kids I coach will always be more interested in the trees. Arsenal show me what they are missing. It was not the best game but that's OK. Two fairly even teams tend to do this but we have that little bit more class and it showed in the end. A crackery by Bacary got us off the sofa and an equally crackery strike from Cesc nearly made me spill my tea. Fabianski played well again. He is slowly getting his account into the black. He has proved himself to be a good shot stopper but his decision making and confidence at crosses (missed that corner today by miles) needs a lot of work. He is the best we have but until his errors become as rare as a well driven BMW he will still have his critics. I'm still not sure he's the long term answer but fair play to him as he's started to be a match winner rather than a points loser and long may it continue. Shame we conceded (not Wookash's fault) but, like Wayne Rooney with a crisp £20 note and an old lady on a Friday night, we struggle to keep a clean sheet.

Next up the North London Derby or should that be the Gareth Bale Derby. It will truly be an honour to be in the same stadium as the great man. Let's turn them over and put that mug back in his place safe in the knowledge that he plays for a half arsed club and will never play in a world cup finals. Before that the under 8's will be chasing the ball like a swarm of wasps, keeping their hands clean and talking to the animals. The future is safe.

Sunday, 7 November 2010

When Bagpuss goes to sleep.....

Let's get this blog thing out the way. We were awful. There are no other ways of saying it. Awful. I thought we would beat Newcastle at home and that's not complacency. If we have any aspirations of winning the Premier League we must beat teams like Newcastle or West Brom for that matter but to be blunt we are struggling a bit. Today was a low point in result and performance. I try to stay positive on here but after today you'll have to excuse me.

I've been lucky enough to see quite a few championship winning teams and I'm afraid, deep down, this is a squad that is missing that special something. As I write this the Chavs (south) have just gone 2-0 down. Great but we will make no ground on them today if they lose and we have to if we are at home to a team we should beat. Newcastle brought nothing to the game apart from too much hair and yet they won. We just brought nothing.

The something special we do have is Cesc and he is obviously struggling with the injury. Today he was below average at best. He makes our team tick. He makes our team great. Today he was asleep and, like Bagpuss, when Cesc goes to sleep his friends go to sleep to.

I wanted a big win today so I could title this 'Rapper's Delight' after the tabloid rubbish yesterday. I wanted to have a rant about spending £6 on a limp chicken and chips in the ground. I wanted to make a comment on the flashing advertising boards driving me mad but I won't. I should take about our defending for their goal or how there we two covering defenders when Kos got his red but I can't be bothered. I wanted to write about our goalscorers.

Wolves will be right up for it and so must we. Set the Bagpuss alarm clock for Wednesday.

Friday, 5 November 2010

I'd rather Jack.....

Excuse the lateness but I find it hard to get up for this after a performance like that. It has been discussed across endless blogs and we all know the midfield was missing, the team were complacent, Clichy has forgotten how to defend .......

Maybe Arsene rested too many players but who can blame him. Shakatak haven't lost at home for 100 years and we haven't won there in longer. They looked like a hungover pub side at our place and much better at theirs but if we needed to win that wouldn't be the team and you hope that wouldn't be the performance. We have two more goes against poor sides so qualification is certain. Oh there's that complacency again!

That game was very like a Cheryl Cole CD. Tiny high points (the silence between tracks), loads and loads of awful crap (the songs) and one thing of real beauty from Lil' Jack and Theo (the end of the CD when you feed it through a shredder). Theo's goal was Henryesque. It was fantastic to see an Arsenal player score a goal that took us all back to the great man. The ball from Jack could've been Bobby while the two touch finish was TH. The invincibles reformed for a come back gig oh so briefly and it was emotional. Shame we played the rest of the game like the hungover pub side.

Much has been made of Clichy and his lapses of concentration. He's been criticised from all angles and it's hard to disagree. Get well soon Mr Gibbs. However poor old Gibbs is made of sticks and feathers and is putting no pressure on Clichy. Complacent? Maybe.

I also have a problem with the kit! It was very very yellow. I'm all for a yellow away kit but that hurt the eyes. Also why are the player's names in lower case? Trivial? Maybe but if you see


who would you put your two quid on? Level one english at primary school where you learn all names have capital letters is basic stuff and that is why we lost and don't tell me otherwise!

Onwards to newcastle and wolves who are full of hard bastards and if we have anyone fit on Thursday morning it will be a miracle. However I expect two easy wins, at the risk of sounding complacent!

Monday, 1 November 2010

We're Back (Back Where We Bellong)

I'd given up hope. I went to this game expecting a battering for W'ham. Indeed on Twitter on Saturday morning we somehow turned an East End football club into an 80's pop band in jest. @Eastlower set the bar high hoping our Young Guns (Go for it) while recommending the Club level Tropicana juice at half time. @Avennel even suggested a win would take us to The Edge of Heaven. I thought W'ham should Wake us up before they go go down. How wrong we were.

It was not an enjoyable game to watch and it looked exhausting to play in. An early goal and we may have ended up with the large win we all expected but it never came. Rob Green was having his annual fantastic game against THE Arsenal but to be honest if Andrew Ridgeley was in goal with Pepsi and Shirley as full backs we wouldn't have scored. It wasn't through lack of trying it just felt like one of those days.

At half time I sent @eastlower an text suggesting that the game wasn't very good. He wasn't there and asked to be supplied with text updates. These updates consisted of a barrage of swear words. Mild at first but with only 5 minutes left they were verging on the late night Channel 4 variety. My mood wasn't helped as he kept sending me messages asking if we were 5-0 up yet!

Then up popped Alexandre Dimitri Song Billong! Critised roundly by a large part of the crowd around me for going too far forward, not playing the holding role and ruining his song from the @arsenalpodcast. He is maybe floating too far forward, this might be unbalancing the team but he's a goal machine at the moment so who can critise. Have a pop at his ashtray hair if you will but don't berate his positioning. He scored the winner, the place erupted, the win was ours. We must give him Freedom as he calls I'm Your Man! Sorry! Must stop it now.

Half way trough the second half I thought how hooligan films always feature W'ham and that I expected Danny Dyer to steam the Clock End wearing knock off designer jeans and a checked shirt as things got tasty. Lo and behold, 5 minutes later it got a little tasty as 6 W'ham fans in the Clock End decided to get a bit lippy. Some Gooners became upset and I had the phone ready to video! It's not that I want a record of a punch up it's just that the W'ham fans really were old enough to know better. Is there anything sadder than a man in his late fifties, balding, coat done up against the cold screaming, "You and me! Outside now!" The stuarts (as my son used to call them - Are they all called Stuart?) did their job and fistichffs were averted. They left after 86 minutes and missed the goal! Shame.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Eat a hat of humble pie.

With only 20 minutes to kick off I'm standing in a safari playground miles from the nearest TV. Indeed our Sky box is miles and miles away. The perils of half term. I just need to get to the laptop and dongle but the kids won't leave. We've bumped into friends and that's added to the delay. Oh well, the first half on the car radio it is apart from the radio, along with various other bits of the car, doesn't work as well as it once did. As we wound our way through country lanes we got very intermittent commentary. We missed the sending off and the first goal. Twitter alerted us of both. We did get one gem from Ian Dowie however.

"I don't think that's a yellow, he was inches away from playing the ball!"

Yes! Apparently if you are close that's not a foul. Therefore Edwardo and Ramsey weren't fouled by that criteria. That comment by Dowie coupled with the Manchester paper claiming a foul in the opening minutes of a game should never be a red card as it ruins the game (and there are two clubs in that city who know about ruining a game) just goes to prove what a bunch of morons professionally speak and write about football. After the last blog I'll move on as a feel a rant arriving.

Arsenal's performance was as smooth as our coverage was bumpy. It was helped by the sending off but ow anyone can complain about the red is beyond me. The little 8 million pound boy wasn't good enough to deal with that ball by Cesc, fouled MC and had to go. Don't blame the ref, The Arsenal, the sunshine or the boogie. The pass beat him and he brought MC down. Off you go son and thanks for letting your team down.

Having missed the visuals of the first half I had to sit through the half time chat to see the red card and the goal. Jamie Bloody Redknapp! That's why I never watch half time.

The second half was brilliant. Fabianski was fantastic, adding to some good first half saves and I think he may well have been MotM. Fair play to him but we need this time and time again. If he is consistent an odd mistake is tolerated as it's unusual and he's only human. I hope he proves us all wrong and we are feasting on hats made of humble pie.

So a splendid 0-3 away win at Chavscum (North), a side that overnight have bought their way to becoming a rival. We have to tolerate these smaller clubs punching above their station due to shiny new owners. Good luck to them on their soulless quests. I just enjoy putting them in their place. One day we will work out how to do the same to Chavscum (South).

So onto tomorrow night and a cup we could comfortably win. Laptop and dongle to the ready.

Friday, 22 October 2010

Rooney makes Beautiful Game Ugly

So Wayne Rooney has a massive tantrum and gets his pay rise. Shame Man U fell for it but that's the game now. Players bigger than clubs, debts ruling decisions, money talking. Had Rooney gone the money would've disappeared up a Glazer and not been reinvested so they had to let the spud faced idiot have a bit of a scream before giving him what he wanted. Shame nobody else can act like that at work. Great timing too. On a day when the Government announced cuts across the country an over-paid footballer demanded more. The people losing their jobs in the coming months are expected to scrape together enough money to sit in a stadium and cheer on that mug. Just when over-paid pointless entertainers should keep their mouths shut and thank their lucky stars they are paid stupid amounts for playing a game a massive fat headed twat decides to speak out. Maybe he should call his old mate Ronaldo and have a chat about slavery.

It comes at the same time of news that Portsmouth FC may be forced to close down. Don't worry Wayne, Ashley, Adebayor long as you are OK stuff the rest.

I watched 'Once in a Lifetime' last night. An interesting film about the New York Cosmos in the 1970's. There was a warning there. Huge sums of money were pumped into the North American Soccer league. Pele joined the Cosmos to play with a low level of team mates. The money was right so he went. Many other followed him (for the money) and for a moment it looked like soccer would establish itself in the US. Television wasn't interested and the league died.

How much longer can our Premier league live in this false world? The economy is knackered. People will find it hard to go to games. There were empty seats the other night in the making money group stages of the Champions league. Do we really need that nonsense? Dump the bloody group stages. The results in our group would be the same if we were drawn against Trumpton, Balamory and Holby City. Cut to the chase. Knock out straight away. Stop guaranteeing the big sides home game. And while I'm in a foul mood either rename it or only allow champions to play in it. If The Arsenal miss out then we should maybe stop losing at home to West Brom, win the league and take part as champions. There's a plan.

It's this feeling of disgust at the obscene amounts of money tarnishing the beautiful game that means we must beat those hideous bastards on Sunday. A shit little club made 'big' over night much like that other blue outfit in London. Chavscum north and south must be stopped. Maybe thin ice as The Arsenal aren't exactly poor but we can't compete with them financially so I see it as our duty to put these bastards in their place. Skill, coaching, scouting, tactics must defeat greed.

Anyway, if your job is on the line or you've lost income in these economic problems worry not as Wayne et al enjoy the high life safe in the knowledge our heroes won't give you a second thought.

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Eastlower & Teddy Sherringham

So what do we all make of that then? It was important to win and win we did but it never felt convincing. Yes we played them off the pitch as we have done with many teams this season yet it didn't seem that surprising when Birmingham scored. Not sure there is anyone to blame for a change. When a striker is 8 foot 6 all you can do is stop the cross. It was a good goal very much against the run of play. However, as we'd decided to not have a shot in honour of Hleb returning and they decided to have a header on target then maybe they deserved to be ahead.

The equaliser was richly deserved despite the calls for a dive. Rooney gets penalties like that (against us) so everyone calling him a cheat (Sky) can get lost. Even MOTD said it was and they hate us! Nasri had a shot on target and it was 1-1. Chamakh Made it 2-1 wit neat footwork after a masterful ball by Lil' Jack. What a player that boy is. Zigic should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for diving after a man a third of his size clipped his ankle but then Goliath did the very same thing when Lil' David took him on. Big pansies the pair of them. Jack took the red card on the chin despite not being able to reach Zigic's chin and we will miss him. Maybe the manager will have to play the club captain for a bit.

I thought that's where my day would end. However I met The Man From Eastlower outside where he furnished me with a customary late birthday present. I've know Eastlower for many years and we've being buying each other crap presents every year. We are both on the look out all year for appropriate tat. He handed me a gift bad with two gifts in. The first was a present to 'relive my past glories.' It was a mullet wig!

It would be rude to not put on a gift wig so it went on. I felt strangely at home. People got their camera phones out and before I knew it two young girls had their arms around me smiling for the cameras. Despite looking like Gerry Francis I felt briefly like a star. I can only think that, from behind, I looked like an Arsenal legend from the early 80's. When they found out it was a wig they left. The mullet pulls in the ladies!

The second gift was an LCD belt with a pre-programmed message that states 'I LOVE TEDDY SHERRINGHAM.' The Man from Eastlower - The True King of Tat. The pressure's on for Christmas.

Sunday, 3 October 2010

Why do we do this to ourselves?

I really shouldn't be writing this now. I need to calm down but I want to get this out the way so I never have to think about it again. Beaten by that scum again and it's getting a bit much.

Yesterday I drove a 120 mile round trip to see Cambridge City and Chippenham kick lumps out of each other only for City to lose 1-0 in the 92nd minute. Now The Arsenal kick me when I'm down.

Everything I say is in the heat of the moment. I told you I should've left it. I won't swear as I've used up all the unparliamentary words I know. I'm gutted, disappointed, annoyed. We were the better team. Were we? Possession was enormous but little was done with it. Take the chances.

I was sent for a walk after the second goal. What did they think the chav was doing in the wall? Helping us defend? Surprise surprise! He makes a hole and the ball sails through it. Song turned away. Unforgivable. Didn't see that at non-league.

Injuries, Drogba, Keeper worries (although he was nearly 'faultless' again!), strange loss at home to newly promoted side, injuries, midfield can't defend, injuries.

Same old same old.

Friday, 1 October 2010

Chavs. Scum. Beat.

Now I've finished colouring in the Bieber book I can turn my thoughts to The Arsenal again. Tuesday night was a bit of a blur for me. I was still numb after Saturday and feared the worst. Fabianski was in goal. Nothing can go wrong now! He played well. Credit where it's due.

It was a decent performance with an even better result. The groups of the champs league are purely a money making exercise that needs getting to the end of. Hopefully we can put this nonsense to bed before 'matchday 5 & 6', stick some of the squad players in and dream of bigger 'matchdays!'

I'm pleased for Fabianski. Looks like he will start at the chavs and we need him in top condition. However, two saves does not a goalie make. His back catalogue is littered with crap. He's a 24 track double album with a hit single and 23 fillers. Dave Seaman was called Safe Hands because he had safe hands game in game out. We relied on him. He was never an issue or a worry. He made mistakes, humans do but his mistakes weren't a list. Indeed the itelephone just corrected 'dave' to 'save'. That's how safe Dave was. I miss Save Seaman. I know we need to get behind the players Arsene picks but Fabianski, & Almunia for that matter, need a lot more "faultless" games to convince me they are good enough for The Arsenal.

The Chav game is massive. I know about the points and all that but more important than anything is that club (and now Chav north too) are everything that's wrong with football. Owned by squillionares who don't care about the game and just throw money at it to get success. The Chav team is full of horrible young millionaires who spend and shag their way through life.


Look I really hate them. It's the thing that unites us all. It's the thing we have in common with the spuds. They must be stopped. The heroes in Red and White must step up and defeat the evil. There is so much more at stake then 3 points. The future of humanity rests with our starting 11. Stop tarting about and beat them.

And breath........

Saturday, 25 September 2010

Pattie Malette in goal

If we are going to lose to a team that we really should be beating ideally we play quite well and lose to a fluke or an error. Actually it's a shame we didn't lose solely because Almunia was hopeless. I could've had a rant about him and moved on. He played his part by being hopeless for the second goal and awful for the third but he was not to blame. Yes! I said it, Almunia was not to blame!

The man from Eastlower warned me to leave this blog until tomorrow. Let the dust settle. Don't say anything too rash. I feel calm. It was obvious from about 3.30 that we weren't on it today. I'm not blaming Almunia as the whole team were disgraceful. Ok, Almunia should've stopped 2 and 3. He is a mistake or two waiting to happen but we have been left with no viable alternative. We know this, it's old ground. What's very worrying is how the rest of the team gave so little. It was poor. There is no other way to say it. WBA deserved to beat us. 2-3 flattered us somewhat. Arsene needs to fix it and quickly. Chavscum (South) await us after a long away trip. The defence and Almunia had won me over but now I have the jitters.

It was my birthday yesterday. Spuds, Chavs and even Liverpool joined in to give me a little present. Arsenal! You let me down. Cambridge City nearly joined them but scrapped a 2-2 draw with Hitchin in the FA Cup. Just when I thought my afternoon couldn't get any worse I was presented with Justin Bieber's biography as a gift from a good friend! Eastlower and I have been trying to out crap each other with really bad gifts for years now and this friend wanted in. Well he is in, he's joined the crap gift club. He has set the bar high.

Not sure I found out anything today I didn't already know about the team. Hopefully it was an off day for the team. They can do better. Hopefully it was a bad day for Almunia. Not sure we have better. I did, however, find out that Justin Bieber is too young to have a biography and that his mother is called Pattie Mallette (as in Timmy) and Eastlower, his brother and my good self will be using it as a euphemism at every opportunity. Childish but the only thing that raised a smile today. Pattie, we salute you.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

9.9 on the Twitcher Scale

North London was rocked last night. It registered 9.9 on the Twitcher scale and how much fun was that? OK it's not a massively important win in the scheme of things. It's the cup we don't want to win but it's a victory, and a rather heavy victory at that, over our so called (geographical but certainly not aspirational) rivals. It puts them in their place. It shuts up their players who seem to think they are our equal. They are not our equal as by losing they have lost a genuine chance of winning a pot. They'd be happy to win that. Maybe we should too but we've got bigger things ahead of us. We might not win them but we might. They won't.

The first half was a joy. More lessons for 'arry to learn. We played them off the pitch. Great fun. The second half saw the introduction of their big guns if you can call Keane & Lennon 'big' or 'guns'. It paid off as a hopeless linesman who flagged us offside wrongly twice gave an offside Keane onside for the annoying got to pass it to Flappyhandski who made very little effort to stop it. Enough Arsene! Move him on.

Two clear penalties converted topped off with a nice move by Arshavin gave us an enormous win. Spud kids were crying as Gooners chanted "shall we make a DVD" & "are you tottenham in disguise" while the team played the 'wayhey' passing game. All the songs were coming out. Glad the pope is still telling the spuds where to go.

Arsene couldn't get a signal to text his substitutions. He knows how I feel in the Clock End when I try to text the man from Eastlower a rude word to describe a Bolton player. Imagine Eastlower's surprise as he goes through Arnos Grove an hour after the game ends and his phone pops up with 'Bast*rd'. Poor Pat's phone vibrated all night as he was trying to sleep.
A cracking nights work. Jack was immense despite being assaulted every 3 minutes. What a prospect. Spuds can only dream of such an English homegrown talent.

Glad to hear the spuds megastore (why do they need a megastore?!) was inundated with Gooners calling about the DVD. Good work. But there won't be a DVD. There won't be a t shirt or an open top bus parade because big clubs don't do that. We'll take the mick for a bit & move on to bigger and better things. But for the next few days we will enjoy it.
Altogether now

"we beat the Scum 4-1!"

Sunday, 19 September 2010

The Breaks.

The game against Braga was a work of art. It was Michelangelo (the artist not the turtle) painting the Sistine Chapel. Yesterdays game was like watching cement being delivered. It's not a criticism of the team. Every game is different. It was just hard work to watch and it looked hard work to play.

Sunderland pressed us harder than 3 Huddlestones in a lift. The majority of the match seemed to be played in our half with the defence playing heroics. Immediately after the match I tweeted that we were poor but that's unfair on half the team. I must learn not to tweet heat of the moment tweets (a sentence I thought I'd never write!)

Considering Kos and Squilly are a brand new couple I think they passed this test with flying colours. The defence defended while the keeper kept. Almunia looks like 'a new signing.' He's had a shot of confidence & is looking commanding. He's coming for the right things and took 2 or 3 corners well. I even heard him shout "keeper" at a cross. That's what we want. Scroll down this blog and you'll see I wanted him out. Replace him with Schwarzer, Scooby Doo, anyone. However, he's on his way to proving a lot of us wrong and I for one will be happy to eat humble pie with added hat if he turns it around. Good luck to him.

The ref obviously received an e mail 'straight from the FA' to send off an Arsenal player for next to nothing. Alex Song was selected for a rest. Rubbish but Song was silly to give the ref that option.

The missed penalty, which landed in my garden in Islington and missed my son's goal post too, was the killer really. If that goes in it's game over. Our 4th choice penalty taker looked like our 8th choice as he hit it higher than Bubbles from The Wire. Least us not forget that if Arshavin had maybe hit the target once with his chances Rosicky's miss would've been ok(ish).

Last minute winners are horrible if you let them in. Ask the scousers in 89 or the Sheffield Wednesday fans in 93. Yesterday we gave Sunderland a point they probably deserved. Bruce must've thought he was managing Man U as the ref played on and on and on until the home team in red scored. If Darren Bent had an ounce of decency he'd have put that wide and celebrated with our team but he forgot himself.

A brief mention to my other team, Cambridge City, who beat Weymouth 3-0 away. 6 points clear after only 9 games with 7 consecutive clean sheets. Marvellous.

Onwards and upwards Gooners. Who's next? Oh yes, them! Weakened team to give them a chance? Weakened team wheels, deals, teaches them a lesson and gives 'arry a twitch? I hope so. Release our win on DVD? Never.

Thursday, 16 September 2010

Those blokes at UEFA clearly don't have jobs, kids, homework, football training. They dont have to feed the kids or wash the kids because if they did they would be late like us. And that ladies and gentleman is the only moan on the most perfect of perfect evenings

I sat in my seat at 7.55 and within seconds was up again cheering the opening goal. Many things might make is late but The Arsenal were good enough to wait for me before they scored. Thanks lads.

Not sure where to go now. This is so much easier if there is a goalie or slow old defender to moan about. There isn't. It's really quite hard to say any more than that was fantastic, marvellous, wonderful and every player, to a man, were fantastic too. The Arsenal hardly got out of second gear and won 6-0. Perfect.

I remember coming out of Highbury during the unbeaten season and meeting up with the Man from Eastlower. We had little to say but 'that was great again'. There is so much more to say and argue about when things are going badly. Tonight was a 'that was great' evening.

It's nights like this that make me realise how lucky we are as Gooners. Some of the football and all the goals were delightful. Indeed if 'arry saw any of that he might learn a lesson.

This perfect evening was made complete with the two ends of the stadium singing in turn the 'We're the North Bank / clock end highbury' song.

Here's to many more games this season where there's little to debate.

That would be perfect.

Monday, 13 September 2010

Just The Ticket

This season is ticking along nicely. We are beating everyone we should only dropping points away at Liverpool which is fine. However at half time I was slightly concerned. We'd started slowly, scored, were missing chance after chance, then conceded a sloppy equaliser. That was last season football and we don't want that back.

The goal we conceded was so poor I immediately blamed Almunia on twitter. I saw him rush out (which was fine) but then having lost the man he followed him (which was not fine) I felt he should've got back in goal. I got a twit slap for blaming him & when I saw it on the jumbotrons I apologised. In the heat of the moment I've become conditioned to blame our keepers and I know I need to stop. When my car was broken into recently I'm sure I saw a man with zebra arms running away.

The second half was this season football and I like it. They'll moan about the sending off but it's not our fault the ref was utterly hopeless. What about the reds he missed for Robinson and Davies or the clear penalties we should've had. It was all rounded of with a sexy little beauty of a goal. 476 passes led to a sublime ball to Vela who tried something new by unchipping in into the corner. 4-1 was fair. Indeed 7-1 would've been fair had Arshavin not been wearing Crocs. However, that's only a minor gripe. If we score 4 he's allowed to miss chances. If we are 1-0 down it won't be so ok.

The biggest disappointment was Bolton. I kept reminding myself as I climbed the stairs of the clock End that Bolton are no longer bastards. They play football now Fat Sam has gone. Well they don't. They played very little and joined the list of teams that are too scared to do anything else but kick us. They are just not that good at it anymore. It's pleasing that we seem to be able to deal with it now.

Next stop Champions League. Must be very exciting if you are a spud although I'm sure they'll come back down to earth quicker than Wayne skydiving towards a hooker.

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Non League Day - Sept 4th 2010

I know this is an Arsenal blog but anyone who has read it or follows me on Twitter will know that from time to time I mention another. I once described The Arsenal as the wife and Cambridge City as the mistress but that suggests cheating and secrecy. The Arsenal won't mind I sneak off to see someone else when they are away from home. The two can exist together as the chances of them ever meeting is slim.

Saturday 4th September has been declared 'Non League Day' as there is no club or international football that day. It's the brainchild of James Doe, a lifelong football fan and supporter of Harrow Borough FC. Its aim is to promote the semi professional game in this country by virtue of a fortuitous break in the football calendar.

My dad travelled to London in the 60s and 70s on the train to watch football. It was not a place for a child. He saw too much fighting for him to take me. The crush on the platform was the final straw. Cambridge City, the local non-league club, were the safer option. He'd watched them with his dad and now he was taking me. They had a wonderful wooden stadium which I remember feeling as big as Wembley. I even saw them play The Arsenal once in a friendly. Pat Rice led the team out. Money worries led them to sell their 'Wembley' to developers and build a small ground around the training pitch next door. They lose that ground at the end of the season and with it go many of my memories of my dad.

He always stood in the same place with the same people. John, always pessimistic, Jed, who made me laugh with every comment, Whizz, with his headphone for latest scores. Dad knew Whizz for 30 years but didn't know his real name! When my dad died in 1999 I didn't go for 4 years. It was our place and I couldn't go without him.

But I returned with my son and he loves it too. The old faces have gone. They're not standing where we always stood. I don't stand there either. That was our spot.

I urge you, this weekend to support non league day. These clubs need your support. You can get into the game, buy a programme, raffle tickets, a tea and a burger and still have change from £20. Many clubs are offering special deals on Saturday. City are letting anyone showing a season ticket to a Premiership or Championship team in free!

So on Saturday my son and I will drive from (near) The Arsenal up the M11 to see City vs Stourbridge in the Zamaretto Premier League.

If you fancy it go to where there is a map of games so you can find your nearest. Go on, you won't regret it.

Video from This is such a valuable service for us fans who've moved away & I hope the club don't mind me borrowing it for my blog! (Right click & select show all if you can't see the goals!)

Sunday, 29 August 2010

"I'm Theo"

This evening my son fired a shot past me in the back garden. As I dived haplessly to my left the ball broke the net. It wasn't the velocity of the shot as much as the age of the net that broke it but my son exclaimed, "I'm Theo" as the ball didn't nestle but hit the shed. Theo Walcott - 4 goals in two games, a recall to the England squad and my son wants to be you. Quite a week. I was always Frank Stapleton as I broke my homemade goal. Then I was Charlie Nicholas when I was old enough to know better. Now my goalscoring is done in my head I can be Bergkamp, Henry or Wright and nobody can stop me.

I watched the whole game yesterday on an iPhone so all the players were 3mm tall or smaller. Eyes hurt at the end but it was worth it. That was a fantastic away win at a horrible place. Their antifootball manager tried to stop us playing but failed. That's a victory in itself. We could've won by more but let's not complain. We dealt with their long balls and we didn't let them scare our keeper at corners. That was a massive step up from last year's horror show up there. It's very satisfying to beat teams managed by that chewing boring man. Imagine having a season ticket to watch that every week. Not many do and that's not just due to the economy. Boring, defensive, long ball antifootball and the boys dealt with it. Proud of them.

OK, there was that horrible bit of defending that led to their goal. Awful but we got away with it. Last season that would've cost us points. One man who hasn't cost us points so far this season is Almunia. He's done OK especially with all the stuff about replacing him flying around. However, he needs replacing. He's a good keeper as is Flappyhandski. You can't get to their level without being good but we need better. We need great not good. Greats I remember - Jennings, Seaman, Lukic, Lehmann. Good - Just about everyone else. Good keepers are back up. Greats are first choice. We have good, we need a great.

A new keeper would give the whole team a new confidence. Every time the ball goes near Almunia I hold my breath. He feels like a mistake waiting to happen. For the sake of my health I hope we get a new man by Tuesday.

So a splendid away win to take us into the interlull. No Arsenal next weekend which has led some fans to set up Non-League day. They are urging fans of league clubs to go and see their local non-league team on Saturday. I'll be taking my son to see Cambridge City and hope they can repeat their 5-0 thrashing of Tiverton. A fantastic idea and I'll try to do a short post about it later in the week.

Right, I'm off to bed to dream of being Jack Wilshire breaking up a fight between bigger boys.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

A Message From Your New (joint) Owner

I went to the game today feeling quite different. I've been following The Arsenal since 1979 but I've never watched a game as a joint owner. Yes! This morning I joined the Fanshare scheme. I now own 1\100th of a share of the club and I'm quite proud of that. What a great idea and it means that if that man Usmanov wants our club he'll have to go through me first! Your club is safe with me.

What a marvellous day out at the Grove today. The Arsenalisation of the stadium is a treat. The clock is up, the stands have proper names and there are splendid murals of the Clubs history everywhere. The Chavs would struggle to cover a toilet wall with their history let alone a stadium. Yet again The Arsenal have done things in the right way. Good work.

The clock was opened. We had fireworks and banners to announce the reinstatement of the North Bank and the Clock End. Welcome back. The Grove never felt more like The Home Of Football.

Blackpool were a lovely opponent. Their fans were excited. Pictures outside and inside the ground at every opportunity. I even saw a man with an orange camera (but then again I've got a red one.) I hope they do OK this season. In Ian Holloway they have a really decent fella in charge. It was all going wrong for them but they didn't once resort to kicking us. They tried to play and credit to them. They probably should've tried to kick us off the pitch but they didn't and it made for a nice change.

Theo was my man of the match. Not because of the Hatrick but it was his best game from a start I've seen him play. He looked dangerous everytime he had the ball. Mrs Feverpitch's MotM was Rosicky. Everything we did went through him. Great to see him back. Chamakh had a funny game. He never gave up but at times tried too hard. He derserve his goal. A header from a corner! I remember those. When was the last one? Linigan in the 1993 Cup Final replay?

The red card was harsh but gave the ref no choice. Last man and from behind. What could the ref do? It led to the away fans chanting, "Same old Arsenal away cheating" to which the bloke behind me replied, "How would you know." Brilliant.

We will have much harder days at the Grove but today was perfect. The team looked impressive. I know, if we play a team who have a shot we need a new keeper but let's not worry about that today. My first game as a joint owner ended in a 6-0 win. I'm happy with that.

Sunday, 15 August 2010

Reina Signs For The Arsenal

After all that waiting I must admit I didn't enjoy that as much as I'd hoped. Being 100 miles from my Sky dish and the Sky player buffering more times than an unpunished Gerrard foul didn't make it easy viewing. However, it wasn't just the technology. We didn't play. We didn't click. We looked tired. Tired? We were lackluster, lacked urgency. It was not a great performance.

Yet there were positives! The new fella, Kos, whose name I must learn to spell looked the part. I was worried how he'd find the step up but step up he did and fair play to him (and that was never a second yellow. In fact I don't think kicking Kuyt in the sherringhams is a yellow, it's a round of applause.)

Secondly,their goalie made a bigger howler than ours and what a howler it was too. On your knees throwing the ball in your own net! Class! It felt nice to laugh at the other keeper for a change. That'll teach the muppet for head locking Cesc in the summer although he is our leading goalscorer so let's not be too unkind. Almunia did his usual grasp at fresh air and half hearted leap at their goal. Great shot but near post Manuel? Let's not forget the wonderful passes we put together to set up the Liverpool goal. Lovely stuff. Sorry we are doing positives aren't we?

Other positives - we got a point away from home, the all yellow kit looked nice, Kos doesn't have a broken leg just a suspension, Chamakh kind of scored (well massive assist) and Flappyhandski didn't play.

Just a quick thought on Cole's red card. When did a player's character start playing a part in a sending off? A bad tackle is a bad tackle. All we get now is 'he's not that kind of player.' To be honest there aren't many who are. Very few player set out to really hurt another player. Some do and we know who they are but the list is not huge. Most bad tackles are made fairly honestly for the ball and they go wrong. If you get it wrong, even if you give to charity and visit sick kids in hospital, you must be punished. Cole is now out of work for 3 games and can sign on, sign on with the pen in his hand.... #watchedfootballinthe80s

I'm not going to moan about individual performances as that's been done all afternoon on Twitter however, why don't we use the sides of the pitch. Why so narrow? I think we need John Barnes to pop in and give the team a rhyming talk about getting to the line and around the back. It would do no harm!

Anyway, still need a goalie, a pair of central defenders, Song, Cesc and RVP to start and to stop passing it to the opposition just outside our box. All this should be sorted by the time we take on high flying Blackpool.

Friday, 13 August 2010

The Famous Zebra Shirt

As Almunia palmed the ball into his own net and Flappyhandski slapped it against Titus Bramble's head in the final games of last season the thing we were all sure about was the arrival of a new keeper. Arsene had no idea who was number 1 as they were both number 2s. The defenders had no idea who would be behind them from one game to the next. We had no idea how many mistakes we would see. They had no idea.

It's Friday the 13th and the new season kicks off tomorrow and we still don't have the most obvious of problems sorted. Twitter was hot last night with quotes from Schwarzer about how he would pay his own taxi fare to play for us but I'm too long in the tooth to believe anything until I see a new man in the famous grey with zebra arms shirt.

To not address this problem is neglect. At any level of football a decent keeper is essential. I've been lucky enough to run school football teams at a very small school. I often have very few players to choose from and rarely am I lucky enough to have a good goalkeeper but if I do results improve enormously. The whole team is more confident. I believe this is true from schools football right up to international level. Just look at England in the summer. You will win nothing with a poor keeper.

To be honest for the first time ever I'm not really looking forward to the season starting. I think I must be mentally scared by the goalkeeping I saw last season. I pay too much to see mistake after mistake by the keepers again. I really do feel that we are damaging our chances of winning anything or even finishing top 4 if we stick with either of them. They need to move on. A fresh club would be good for them as well as Arsenal. Another season of that and it could destroy the pair. Ship them out for their own good if nothing else.

Of course it's not just the keepers that are our weakness. It's the defence too and it looks a little weaker than last year. This needs addressing too because I'm guessing we will get injuries!

This has turned into a bit of a moan. I'm sorry! Typical football fan - never happy. Well we look ready in midfield and up front going forward. Goals will not be a problem but we need these boys to defend as a team too. Sorry, used that 'D' word again but it does all come back to that. The 'we will just score more than you' method might sound fun but we will soon be undone.

So come on Arsene, find us that keeper and defender that could make all the difference. Friday the 13th - the perfect day to bury last season's nightmares.

Up The Gunners.

Friday, 6 August 2010

Waiting for the Postman.

This blogging lark is harder than it looks especially over the summer when there is nothing to talk about. Well nothing except goalkeepers, defenders, the grooming of the captain, pointless internationals......

The biggest problem is that I think of a subject and it's written about elsewhere before I can get the computer charged up. It suggests to me that the majority of Gooners are excited by the new season, as we are every August, but few of us feel the team is ready for the long campaign.

My biggest worry are the goalkeeper. My last post I hoped would be out of date by now but it's still valid as a new one hasn't arrived yet. Arseblog discussed yesterday how the defence lose confidence when they have no idea who will be behind them from one game to the next. I do too. Last season was horrible. The points these men cost us went into double figures and I spend too much on my season ticket to watch second rate goalkeeping. Waiting for news of a new goalkeeper is like waiting for the postman to bring you your exam results. The only difference is the postman always turned up.

If the postman is coming could he also bring us another central defender (as long as it's not in a Silvestre shaped package) as three is clearly not enough. I'm assuming we will be hit by injuries as that seems to be the norm so we need enough cover and depth and we don't seem to have it. The games last weekend showed that the defence is still a bit of a shambles. Nearly letting a 3 goal lead slip against Celtic! Hmmm

Good news though as it does seem as if the club has seen off Barcelona over their attempts to unsettle Cesc. They really are a horrible arrogant club who go about things in the wrong way. Bastards. I know Cesc will go one day but until they have the money to buy back 'one of their own' they can shut up. Had they actually offered the club what he is worth so we could get in replacements (as it would take more than one to replace him) I think the summer would've been different. Every player has a price and Barcelona are nowhere near Cesc's. I hope he isn't booed. He is an Arsenal legend. He is vital to the team. He's done nothing wrong. He may not have made the statement every Arsenal fan wanted to hear but it was hard for him. I think saying nothing and leaving it up to the two clubs to scrap it out was his only option. He's our captain, we need him, Don't boo.

As for these international friendlies - feel free to boo.

See, nothing to talk about. And I haven't even mentioned Manchester City or the take over of Liverpool or the direction the top flight is heading financially and how it could all blow up in it's face or.........

Right, later today I'm starting a 200 mile round trip to Farnborough with my son to see Cambridge City play in the Southern League Championship. It involves a ferry crossing, an overnight stop and losing a day of holiday with the family. It's a kind of madness only football fans understand.

Saturday, 17 July 2010

Keeping The Keeper

Change the record! I know. Stop going on about the goalkeepers. Well we can all reach for a new slice of vinyl when something is done. Our two first choice keepers can't keep. If they were shop keepers the shelves would be empty with no money in the till. It's got to the point where they would struggle to keep a secret.

I am genuinely worried we will kick off against Liverpool without a first choice keeper. I was all for raiding the scousers for their goalie but after seeing him holding Cesc in a headlock the other night I'm not sure he would be too welcome at The New Highbury.

I'm not going to say anything else about that incident as it makes me hot and bothered and it's all on twitter. All I'll say is it was Hup Holland Hup in our house last sunday just because Ajax don't claim their DNA is in RVP and their president, all their staff and players aren't all wankers. Yes! I took against a whole country because of one stupid (broke) club. If their claims are true Cesc needs a DNA transplant. Reports this morning suggest they don't have the money and The Arsenal aren't listening. Good stuff. Arsene and Ivan with their fingers in their ears shouting LA LA LA LA LA LA LA.

For a moment there I'd forgotten we don't have a keeper yet. It needs addressing. As does the lightness of the defence. 3 central defenders is not enough. Arsene's on the case I'm sure. Just when we least expect it all the players we need will be unveiled. Won't they?

Anyway, Barnet today and proper football will be with us before we know it. Get those fixtures in the diary and start declining those wedding invites. It's their own fault for getting married in the football season and it will never last. Much like our title run without a new keeper. Put that record back on.

Sunday, 27 June 2010

I'm Sorry Son

I'm sorry son for getting you involved with all this. I don't know why they all play well against Arsenal but all play like utter idiots when we have to support them. It's probably best we don't support them. Let's just hate them like we normally do for the rest of the year.

That big black cloud hovered over my son today. We've all seen it before. We all expected it but we weren't ready. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready for his father's language. He wasn't ready for the wastepaper bin to be kicked, more accurately than Shrek has managed in 4 games, across the room. He wasn't ready for England to not put in even a decent 5 minutes in this world cup. We beat slovenia! Woooo!

Arsene knows. He knows not to touch English player as they are generally useless.

Club vs country? Club every time. Please remind me to ignore Euro 2012. Pointless.

Forget the goal that wasn't. Lampard is so poor for England he can't even score when he does. Had it gone to a Desmond (2-2) it may have been a better game but, make no mistake, we were outclassed. Hopefully Blatter will stop being such an idiot and let us use some technology to stop all this nonsense. As I write this Argentina score a clearly off side goal that they replay on the big screens in a second. Wake up Blatter!

This will be the last world cup blog. Back to all thing Arsenal but before I go I must thank the German team for posing for the messages for the England team. Below are what I think of my country's football team.

I'm sorry son, you have a life time of this.

Thursday, 24 June 2010

No more limericks

So the family came through. The useless cousins who cost you time and money finally paid a bit back.

I got quite excited yesterday. I shocked myself. It was an interesting game to follow. I saw the first 3 minutes on the iPhone before the Internet was switched off. Then I saw an opportunity to bunk off. Last 30 minutes of the first half were on the radio while driving through unusually quiet north London streets.

England scored. I did a celebratory drum roll on the steering wheel setting off the car horn into a series of short bursts. The two women on the pavement jumped with shock. Then jumped again when I made that 1-0 gesture. This time it was with joy. We passed a pub rapidly spilling into the road. People bouncing. Sunshine. An afternoon pint. An England goal. Briefly the country was at one.

Home for the second half. I'm sorry England for my two previous blogs. I've done you down. This is important. I realise that now. This is my son's first real world cup. The first he's interested in. I remember staying up late as a child and jumping up and down in the arms of my dad as Lineker scored to get us out of the group in the 80's. We had that moment again yesterday. But those moments are far more real from now on. I feel it's part of his footballing education to feel the emotions of a Germany game. On Sunday afternoon we will either be jumping around the room or be hit by that dark 'what if' cloud. He has a lifetime of this to deal with. Sunday are his first steps.

So England, don't let him down. Don't make me guide him from under the dark cloud already. Not yet. No more limericks. No more boos. Make us proud.

By George, where's my car flag!

Tuesday, 22 June 2010


This blog won't be very good. You might expect it to be good but I'm writing it with fear.

The weight of expectation is too much.

How can I possibly perform.

Our Manager is Fabio Capello
We cheered when to England he said, 'Hello'
But his team's very poor
Show him the door?
Shame, he seemed like the right fellow.

A big fat chap called Frank
From Chavscum, has lots in the bank
Oh for goodness sake
have another slice of cake
Cos for England you can't play for w***

A spud headed cheat called Rooney
To the fans did say, 'Please don't boo me'
We might as well play Shrek
Cos our dreams you did wreck
You've left a nation feeling gloomy.

Bring on SWP
He'll win the game you'll see
He'll dart left & right
Shame he's so sh*te
We should've brought Theo (or even me!)

There's a hopeless striker called Defoe
who, in our house, we call DeWoe
He runs about a bit
but he too is sh*t
We really should've brought Theo.

The left back is called Ca$hley Cole
He really is a f.......

Oh you get the point.

That's nice! Your own blog readers booing you.

Come on ENGLAND!

Friday, 11 June 2010

Wot No Theo

Terry plays it forward to Lampard. He knocks it wide to Ashley Cole. The cross comes in .....ROONEY!

But do you hear what I hear?

Stupid Chav who can’t keep his flies up plays it foward to Fat Chav. Have another cake before you knock it wide to Ca$hley. Don’t get me started on that mug phone.....only £50,000 a week...... The cross comes in ...SHREK!

The club vs country dilemma rears it’s ugly head again. However, the other day I heard an explanation which will help me through the next month. Somebody on the radio said that your club is like your spouse. You choose your spouse. You love and cherish your spouse. They are your day to day.

“Have you put the bins out Love & can you pop to the shops as we’re very low on defenders and the goalkeepers have gone off?”

Your country are your family. You don’t choose them. You are born into them. No choice. I’m English. I’m stuck with it.

Like a family there will be people you love and feel close to. (Adams, Seaman, Dixon, Keown, Platt, Walcott.) There are members you don’t know very well but admire (Butcher, Lineker, Gazza, Shilton.) There are the people you’ve seen pictures of but don’t really know who they are. (Warnock, Milner, Hodge, Huddlestone, Hately!) And there are the people you are ashamed of. (Terry, Cole A, Lampard, Gerrard, Rooney .............)

I can’t wait for this World Cup to start. I love the thrill of watching North Korea take on Brazil. It’s our first Twitter World Cup and I’m looking forward to a banter filled evening with the American Gooners on Saturday. I’m going to enjoy every minute of football on all day every day. I’m grateful my family are involved I just don’t like them very much.

So wherever you are in the world get behind your family. I’m backing mine (through gritted teeth)

Cry God for Fabio, England and St George.

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Happy St Thomas' Day

It would be remiss of me not to do a short blog about one of the greatest days in the club's history. The day that led to the single 'We're back (Back where we belong)' We only had a minute but then we went and did it!

I remember being nervous for about 3 days before this game. Nobody went to Anfield and won. We've come so close but if you lose to bloody Derby at home you don't deserve to win anything!

I remember very little about the game apart from screaming at John Lukic to not throw the ball but to "FUC*ING KICK IT!" Thank goodness he threw it!

Mrs Feverpitch and I went travelled to London the next day for the victory parade and we followed the bus all the way to the town hall in Upper street. The best street party ever. If you missed it watch 'Fever Pitch' (a film close to my heart obviously) where the final scenes will give you a flavour of the atmosphere.

Lukic, Dixon, Winterburn, Thomas, O'Leary, Adams, Rocky, Richardson, Smith, Bould, Merson - It was up for grabs now. We salute you.

Friday, 14 May 2010

'arry and the dust cloud.

So that’s that then. Another season done and dusted although the only thing dusted were Sp*ds passports after many years in the drawer. I’d like to congratulate Sp*ds on winning the Champions League, World Cup, Boat race, Grand National and Britain’s got Talent .......... Sorry? What? They’ve won nothing? I assumed they’d had a massive win what with all those people walking around North London with a Cock & Ball on their shirts.

And there you have it. We finish 3rd and are a bit upset. They finish 4th and win manager of the year. I feel we have finished where we deserve to be. We are not as good as the two above us but we are better than everyone else. Third is our rightful place but not by much. With a fit Van Persie and a goalkeeper worthy of the name we’d be right in the mix. We all know where we need additions and it sounds like, for the first time since our move, Arsene has the funds.

Last season was a disappointment but it’s a measure of our aspirations and it’s our manager that has raised them. He’s a victim of his own success. The Unbeatables were the pinnacle. How do we reach such heights? Arsene is trying and I appreciate that. How do we compete with these classless, historyless midtable clubs who are pumped full of money and buy trophies? We move to a big stadium, we follow a strict business plan to deal with the debt that move brings, we play decent football and we keep the fans happy. Unfortunately to achieve the latter we need a trophy soon.

However, what is success? When i started watching The Arsenal any trophy led to an open top bus tour but football has changed. Would we be happier with an FA Cup win and a fifth place finish? A season without Champions league! Imagine that! It’s all about the money. It’s all about the Champion’s league. That’s the clubs view (see how Spu*s reacted to finishing 4th and winning nothing.) If we as fans had the clubs views of success we might not feel quite so deflated by our success.

(Fantastic video on YouTube that sums up our season. It's been superbly put together. Great work.

Sunday, 2 May 2010


What do you do with yourself if you have no interest in football? There are people like this all around us. Ive seen them myself. They don’t organise their year around the fixture list. They don’t sit at the back at weddings listening to the radio or checking their phone every minute. They don’t do 100-500 mile round trips to stand or sit in the cold to, maybe, see no goals. They have nothing to say to strangers!

Yesterday I was unfortunate enough to have a brief insight into this hollow world. Arsenal have two post season friendlies to see out and one of them is deemed important enough to televise last thing on a bank holiday weekend. No Arsenal interest yesterday. Usually I have a fall back with watching or following Cambridge City while I wait for The Arsenal but their season finished last week. There was nothing to get excited about. It was a horrible look into the summer abyss!

It was this nightmare vision that led me to Twitter yesterday. It started with the man from EastLower complaining about boredom and yearning for the new fixtures but worried about the 900,000 column inches of 'Cesc to Barca' rumours that will come before. It struck me that we should start our own rumours and who better to annoy than Barca themselves. If all the twitter Gooners ended every tweet with #MessiToArsenal it would make a point that we are sick of Barca looking down on us and unsettling any player they please. It will, of course, achieve nothing but it was great fun.

Messi has Arsenal in his blood. Well he has red blood doesn’t he? #MessiToArsenal

Silvestre dreams of Barca move. Swap deal on cards. #MessiToArsenal

Barca chairman says Arsenal don’t need Messi and he wouldn’t get in team anyway. Messi Upset. #MessiToArsenal

You get the idea. It soon transformed into having a pop at everyone else.

Messi dreams of linking up with Almunia. #MessiToScunthorpe

Messi wants to be known as a massive C**t. #Messi ToSp*rs

Messi doesn’t like big crowds. #MessiToChavscum

Great fun and it kept many of us amused for a day in footballing no man’s land. The game tomorrow means nothing! We still need a point to get 3rd but the excitement has gone. We are like people who live without football.
But we’re not are we?
Tomorrow we will mould our day around that 5pm kick off. We will be next to the pitch, a TV, radio, internet stream or mobile phone wherever we are in the world. We will shout at goalkeeping errors. We will cheer our goals. We will celebrate St Totts day like a cup win. A nothing game? Only someone with no interest in football would say that. And remember if you read it enough it must be true ..... #MessiToArsenal

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Disappointed of Islington

Disappointed. We hear that word a lot as football fans. It covers all bases. When we lost to Barcelona in Paris in 2006 we were disappointed. When we lost to Messi this season it was a disappointing performance. Ryan Shawcross was disappointed by his assault on Ramsey. Their manager was disappointed by Arsene's comments! 'Disappoint' is not a word we fans use. We prefer gutted, annoyed, shocked....However we say it disappointment seems to be the main course for us fans more often than not.

My week was disappointing. It started with The Arsenal disappointing me at Wigan. That defeat left me gutted, shocked, annoyed..... So my attention turned to my mistress Cambridge City. Light relief from The Wife in red and white. City are in the Zameretto Premier League (two below the conference) with average attendances of just over 200. They are run and owned by the fans and have to leave their ground at the end of next season and play their home games 15 miles outside the city. They are skint. They have a squad of 16. They have an excellent manager and a hardcore of passionate fans. My dad took me there at an early age and it was the football team we shared. When I watch City I feel close to him and follow them in his memory.

Cambridge City had 3 games left in 6 days. They were in a great position to reach the play offs. Tuesday - Lost to Chippenham. Thursday - Beat Hemel Hempstead (a great away trip with my son.) Saturday - Last home game of the season vs Hednesford. Winner takes all. Winner gets a play off place. City lose 3-0. Gutted. Disappointed.

Dash back to London for the Man City game. Lee Dixon on the radio says at half time he doesn't want to return for the second half. He was disappointed with Arsenal's performance but more so with man city. All that money spent and they were told by their floppy haired, odd scarf wearing, more glamorous than Hughes but not really any better, manager to make no attempt to beat a very beatable Arsenal. MOTD highlights were about 45 seconds long and that included laughing at Greedybayor who had come dressed as Shirley Temple. 60,000 people in the ground and 10's of others watching ESPN were left disappointed. I hope Chavscum (North) miss out on the Champions League by a point. That'll teach 'em to be scared of flapianski and Mickey Silver.

I hope Sp*rs get 4th! There, I said it & I will tell you why. All summer they will be releasing DVDs and telling everyone who will listen that they have made it. They are finally a big club. Then they will lose to Trumpton and Chigley Town in the qualifiers and then we can have a massive laugh. If they do squeeze past the Women's Guild in the qualifiers they will be royally rogered by one and all in the groups. The group stages are full of whipping boys. Step forward Sp*ds!

So Cambridge City have shut up shop until August. Arsenal can't wait to go on holiday. It's end of term. Let's all bring board (Bored?) games to the Fulham match. Roll on World cup so I can be disappointed all over again by England.